What's going on in their heads?

Because the brain reaches adult size by age 6, child development experts have assumed those early years are the most critical. While those years are very important, new information shows us that the brain is actually continuing to develop until much later.

Dr. Jay Giedd, a neuroscientist at the National Institutes for Health, is the leading authority in the field of brain development using MRI technology. He says “The brain produces way more cells and connections than can possibly survive. There's only so many nutrients, there's only so many growth factors, there's only so much room in the skull… there is a fierce, competitive elimination, in which the brain cells and connections fight it out for survival. Only a small percentage of the cells and connections make it.”

As the child moves through puberty, connections that are frequently used become hard-wired... and the ones which are not wither and die.

Dr. Giedd explains, “Much like Michelangelo's David, you start out with a huge block of granite at the peak at the puberty years. Then the art is created by removing pieces of the granite. [That] is the way the brain also sculpts itself. The advances come from actually taking away and pruning down of [various neural] connections themselves.”

This information should make parents reconsider behavioral factors which will have a negative impact on physical brains structures. For instance,

• Long hours playing video games instead of in social interaction, will have an affect on relational skills.
• Permissive home environments where impulsive behavior is left uncorrected, will impede a young adult's ability to delay gratification.
• Drugs or alcohol killing off or retarding the developing brain cells, will cause the construction of new neural pathways to be more difficult.
• Exposure to pornography strengthens the neural pathways producing dopamine (the hormone that stimulates the pleasure center of the brain), and could result in overly sexualized behavior.

The long-term studies of MRIs show the pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain involved in planning, long-term consequences and judgment) is not fully developed until about age 25. So, an adolescent’s brain is simply not capable of filtering information as an adult. The connections are not there yet. Understanding these limitations will dramatically impact your relationship with teens.

A real-life example of this would be when Dad tells his teenage daughter, “Don’t get pregnant.” By this he means, “A baby would interrupt school and other wonderful experiences. I want you to have a full rich life and being a struggling teen mom isn’t what I want for my beautiful daughter.”

But what his daughter hears is, “If you do get pregnant, you better have an abortion because I will be disappointed in you.”

Her brain can’t project into the future to grasp the daily hardship of being a teenage mom, so she focuses on the emotions such a statement produces. She isn’t stupid. She's using the part of her brain that IS fully developed.

The most active part of the adolescent brain is the amygdala (the center of impulse and emotions). Facts and figures that a teen cannot “picture” for themselves will remain unprocessed. Basically, it's "in there" but without any meaning or point of reference --- maybe for years until new pathways in the brain develop. Experts recommend concerned adults provide their teens with a wide range of new experiences and opportunities to practice planning, delayed gratification and impulse control.

Ungrateful Women

Men are often astounded to find out that if a woman doesn't want to think about sex, she just doesn't. Click. Turn the switch off. Because so many men have used pornography to teach them about women, they internalize that this is how "real" females respond. They imagine women are fantasizing all the time, and experience some kind of withdrawal if they're "not gettin' any."

Women are equally as ill-informed. Few women I have ever met in my life understand how much mental energy a guy has to use everyday to control his sexual thoughts. They have no idea what it COSTS a guy to be faithful to her.

If every woman could understand this illustration, it would dramatically change her relationship.

Ladies, I want you to think of a time when you had to go to the bathroom REALLY bad. You find a public restroom, but when you open the door there's 6 other gals ahead of you.

So there you are standing in line, waiting your turn. You know the thing you do in your head to keep from wetting your pants? That's what its like all the time for a guy.

Graphic, specific and visceral thoughts just pop into his head thousands of times a day. 24/7. He can't help it. But he knows if he spends any time thinking about any particular thought, he'll have to deal with a physical reaction that goes along with it. So, all day, every day, he has to redirect those thoughts, just to function.

BUT (because of the way women dress) everywhere HE goes, imagine that guy whose working hard at redirecting his thoughts, everywhere he goes hears running water. [Note: this is an auto-pee-trigger for a girl, in case you didn't know.]

The truth is, most guys want to treat women with respect. But if a woman wants to be treated with respect and dignity, she has to make it possible for him to think about her as a PERSON.

It is an immutable fact of natural law that when your cleavage is out there, he's not thinking about YOU, he's thinking about your chest. When your pants are so tight he could tell if a dime in your pocket was heads-or-tails... he's thinking about your butt.

For him its involuntary... just the way he's wired. But, lady, YOU had control over what you put on today. If you want to be treated with respect and dignity, check your message before you leave home and see if it says, "I am my boobs." Or "I'm a vagina."

And one last word... ladies, if you're married to a guy who doesn't cheat on you --- even if he's not meeting all your needs --- I say, Be grateful your husband wins the daily battle to be faithful to you. Its a lot harder than you think.