Sex Makes People Stupid

As if any MORE evidence were needed to show that sex can impair someone's judgment --- here comes Tiger Woods buried under a mountain of evidence that he has been unfaithful to his wife (with at least 14 mistresses.) Major endorsement contracts, perhaps even his future in the sport he dominates, suddenly teetering like a house of cards.

My first reaction was overwhelming sadness because another hero and role model has imploded. I felt the same way when I heard about Kobe Bryant in 1994. Both of them had reached the absolute pinnacle of their fields, only to be brought low by their lack of self-control.

What I keep turning over in my mind however, is NOT that Tiger Woods had a bevvy of ladies that he was juggling... not that he risked EVERYTHING for sexual excitement... not that the man with legendary control over every aspect of his game could be so wildly out of control in another area of his life... but, frankly, that his WIFE thought he could be faithful.

Follow me here: Tiger Woods was well-known as a Las Vegas partyer while he was single, frequently seen with a diverse assortment of beautiful women on his arm. In our culture, when you're a handsome bachelor it's a given that you'll have a string of partners. But, prior to getting married, his bride-to-be, Elin Nordegren, made it clear she expected this behavior to stop. Then she married him without any demonstration or proof that his was something he was capable of doing!

This is a very typical female line of thought. I have this conversation over and over with women who have been cheated on:

Me: So he cheated on his last girlfriend with you?
Her: Well, yeah, but their relationship wasn't going anywhere.
Me: Had he told her that?
Her: I don't know. He said they fought all the time.
Me: Uh huh. Did he cheat on the girlfriend he had before her?
Her: Well, she wasn't really his girlfriend. She was just some girl he hung out with.
Me: Someone he was just using for sex?
Her: Ummmm, yeah.
Me: So, he cheated on at least the two previous girls he was with, but you thought he wouldn't cheat on you?
Her: Ummmm, yeah.
Me: Based on what evidence?
Her: He said he would never cheat on me!

I'm not kidding.

For the record: the BEST predictor of future behavior is PAST behavior. Impulse control is a skill that takes practice. You don't magically become capable of resisting temptation because you put on a wedding band (for cryin' out loud! it's not a force field!) This is so elementary: If your partner never has to prove to you that he/she can resist temptation, by resisting YOU, then you have no reason to believe they're capable of resisting anyone else!

Duh. I have so much expertise in this, I could write a book about it!

Wait a minute! I did! Sex Makes People Stupid: How To Avoid Ending Up With a Weenie

Ungrateful Women

Men are often astounded to find out that if a woman doesn't want to think about sex, she just doesn't. Click. Turn the switch off. Because so many men have used pornography to teach them about women, they internalize that this is how "real" females respond. They imagine women are fantasizing all the time, and experience some kind of withdrawal if they're "not gettin' any."

Women are equally as ill-informed. Few women I have ever met in my life understand how much mental energy a guy has to use everyday to control his sexual thoughts. They have no idea what it COSTS a guy to be faithful to her.

If every woman could understand this illustration, it would dramatically change her relationship.

Ladies, I want you to think of a time when you had to go to the bathroom REALLY bad. You find a public restroom, but when you open the door there's 6 other gals ahead of you.

So there you are standing in line, waiting your turn. You know the thing you do in your head to keep from wetting your pants? That's what its like all the time for a guy.

Graphic, specific and visceral thoughts just pop into his head thousands of times a day. 24/7. He can't help it. But he knows if he spends any time thinking about any particular thought, he'll have to deal with a physical reaction that goes along with it. So, all day, every day, he has to redirect those thoughts, just to function.

BUT (because of the way women dress) everywhere HE goes, imagine that guy whose working hard at redirecting his thoughts, everywhere he goes hears running water. [Note: this is an auto-pee-trigger for a girl, in case you didn't know.]

The truth is, most guys want to treat women with respect. But if a woman wants to be treated with respect and dignity, she has to make it possible for him to think about her as a PERSON.

It is an immutable fact of natural law that when your cleavage is out there, he's not thinking about YOU, he's thinking about your chest. When your pants are so tight he could tell if a dime in your pocket was heads-or-tails... he's thinking about your butt.

For him its involuntary... just the way he's wired. But, lady, YOU had control over what you put on today. If you want to be treated with respect and dignity, check your message before you leave home and see if it says, "I am my boobs." Or "I'm a vagina."

And one last word... ladies, if you're married to a guy who doesn't cheat on you --- even if he's not meeting all your needs --- I say, Be grateful your husband wins the daily battle to be faithful to you. Its a lot harder than you think.