Today I received the first of what I expect will be many heartbreaking phone calls. A teacher in LAUSD has been preparing her students to hear my story, and found out today that I'm not allowed to tell it in her school anymore.
As we talked, she echoed every conversation we have had at Positively Waiting. What about...? A taped presentation? Getting in with the clinic speakers? Webcasting?
The hurt and urgency in her voice squeezed my heart. Both of us are thinking, "what about THESE kids?" They will get only the one view (Be safe, use "protection.") Who will tell them they're worth waiting for? Who will tell them there are BENEFITS to learning how to control those powerful impulses?
The teacher assured me she will do her best, but pointed out, "They listen to you because you've been there."
I'm not giving up. I'm looking for ways to smuggle the truth in underground. But I'm dreading every one of those phone calls this Fall.
Wednesday, July 23, 2008
Wednesday, July 16, 2008
Boys To Men?
Jim and I saw a commercial for Windex recently. In it, the napping presumptive husband is so disoriented by how bright his sliding glass door is that he wakes up and says, "This is not my house!" Then proceeds to bounce off the glass a few times.
It was just one more example of how contemptuously the culture portrays men. I found myself wondering, Why do men put up with it? They can't enjoy being depicted as bumbling idiots who occasionally stumble on the right solution.
I reflected on the contrast. As a teenager, I had a major crush on Clark Gable. He was the epitome of masculinity to me. Invariably he played a rake, who was (by the end of the movie) barely tamed by his lover. There's line in The Tall Men (one of his last films) where Montgomery Clift says, "He's what every boy hopes he will be and what every old man wishes he was."
Today's teen boys get a steady diet of Adam Sandler and Ashton Kutcher or Martin Lawrence and Chris Rock. How will they envision themselves as leaders and protectors with those role models?
I'm a product of the generation who thought "if we just make boys more like girls, it will solve all the world's problems." Getting rid of natural male aggression by encouraging "peace" and eliminating sexually predatory behavior by making sex readily available was supposed to balance the scales. Men raised without a reason to fight or to impress women would evolve into everything a girl could want!
Howzat workin' for ya?
Want to know a secret? I absolutely LOVE that my husband still lifts heavy things to impress me! And any young woman who gets a chance should listen to a wounded Marine talk about how he would do it all again because he loves his unit and his country... that tightening in your chest is how it feels to be loved for REAL. And it sure transcends anything Hollywood has cooked up since Clark Gable died.
Young Woman, take little advice from your Aunt Karen, don't chase boys. Girls who make the first move, ask the guy out... are training their guy to be romantically lazy. I'm serious. It's human nature to take the path of least resistance. If a young man doesn't have to impress you to get your attention --- he won't. If he doesn't have to achieve something to win your admiration and affection --- he won't.
You hear women complain about their boyfriend/husband not pursuing them, taking them for granted. Dig a little deeper and you'll find out most women trained their guy to be that way.
Call me old-fashioned, but knowing another guy might come along and sweep his girl off her feet made was pretty good motivation, back in the day.
Turn into Judge Judy some afternoon and see the parade of girls trying to get back the money they loaned to some loser. He's claiming it was a "gift" and she's out hundreds or thousands. You have to ask yourself, what was she thinking?
She was thinking she was getting Clark Gable but she ended up with Adam Sandler.
As a culture we train boys to stay boys. They never grow up. They fail to take responsibility for themselves and the babies they make... so does that Windex commercial represent reality not parody? I don't know.
But I do know sitting next to a very masculine man watching a commercial depict another man as a stooge gave me a sharp pang of conscience. It got me thinking, What can I do, this week, today to celebrate masculinity? How can I change the cultural message?
Any suggestions?
It was just one more example of how contemptuously the culture portrays men. I found myself wondering, Why do men put up with it? They can't enjoy being depicted as bumbling idiots who occasionally stumble on the right solution.
I reflected on the contrast. As a teenager, I had a major crush on Clark Gable. He was the epitome of masculinity to me. Invariably he played a rake, who was (by the end of the movie) barely tamed by his lover. There's line in The Tall Men (one of his last films) where Montgomery Clift says, "He's what every boy hopes he will be and what every old man wishes he was."
Today's teen boys get a steady diet of Adam Sandler and Ashton Kutcher or Martin Lawrence and Chris Rock. How will they envision themselves as leaders and protectors with those role models?
I'm a product of the generation who thought "if we just make boys more like girls, it will solve all the world's problems." Getting rid of natural male aggression by encouraging "peace" and eliminating sexually predatory behavior by making sex readily available was supposed to balance the scales. Men raised without a reason to fight or to impress women would evolve into everything a girl could want!
Howzat workin' for ya?
Want to know a secret? I absolutely LOVE that my husband still lifts heavy things to impress me! And any young woman who gets a chance should listen to a wounded Marine talk about how he would do it all again because he loves his unit and his country... that tightening in your chest is how it feels to be loved for REAL. And it sure transcends anything Hollywood has cooked up since Clark Gable died.
Young Woman, take little advice from your Aunt Karen, don't chase boys. Girls who make the first move, ask the guy out... are training their guy to be romantically lazy. I'm serious. It's human nature to take the path of least resistance. If a young man doesn't have to impress you to get your attention --- he won't. If he doesn't have to achieve something to win your admiration and affection --- he won't.
You hear women complain about their boyfriend/husband not pursuing them, taking them for granted. Dig a little deeper and you'll find out most women trained their guy to be that way.
Call me old-fashioned, but knowing another guy might come along and sweep his girl off her feet made was pretty good motivation, back in the day.
Turn into Judge Judy some afternoon and see the parade of girls trying to get back the money they loaned to some loser. He's claiming it was a "gift" and she's out hundreds or thousands. You have to ask yourself, what was she thinking?
She was thinking she was getting Clark Gable but she ended up with Adam Sandler.
As a culture we train boys to stay boys. They never grow up. They fail to take responsibility for themselves and the babies they make... so does that Windex commercial represent reality not parody? I don't know.
But I do know sitting next to a very masculine man watching a commercial depict another man as a stooge gave me a sharp pang of conscience. It got me thinking, What can I do, this week, today to celebrate masculinity? How can I change the cultural message?
Any suggestions?
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)