Kate Elizabeth Conner blogged advice she would like to give teenage girls, and someone forwarded it suggesting she could have been channeling me. It got me thinking, what 10 things would I say to teenage girls?
- Getting attention isn't hard, but getting admiration is. It's easy to get male attention -- show some skin, offer or provide some sexual service -- you'll get male attention. But you WON'T get his best effort to win your heart. Or a relationship that has more to do with dreams than fantasies.
- Once you sext him, you can't go back. As soon as girl signals/implies/suggests/acts out sexual availability, the male imagination kicks in. He believes he now has her PERMISSION to think of her as a sexual playmate. The images in his head will always be there and they won't go away simply because she changes her mind and decides she "just wants to be friends. "
- Stop manipulating. Guys have a sexually predatory and aggressive nature they have to learn to control. But girls have a manipulative nature they also have to control. Flirting, guilting and emotional outbursts may get you what you want in the moment, but you'll pay for it later. No one wants to be USED. Users end up alone.
- Spend an equal amount of time on the inside. So maybe your getting-ready routine is 2 hours. Fine. But outward beauty fades, so if you spend 2 hours making the package look good, spend at LEAST that much time on making the inside worthwhile. Develop your intellect, social conscience, life-experiences, hobbies and interests, too. No point in attracting a sweetheart if you're too BORING to keep him.
- Learn to speak "Male." Unlike females, guys don't have a steady stream of words in their heads all the time. Your habit of free-associating, flowing from one topic to another without effort stresses him out! Males usually prefer to discuss a single topic at a time, find closure or resolution and then move to the next subject. And they prefer girls who know they like it that way.
- Find your passion. Everyone is wired up with something that makes their heart sing. Not everyone finds it, but everyone has it. Personal passion will fill you up when people let you down, and help you take on to the next challenge when fear has you paralyzed. Don't stop searching until you know what it is, and don't spend you life with someone who doesn't share your passion.
- Assume good intentions. Very, very few people are deliberately hurtful. Most of the time hurt feeling come from insensitivity or misunderstanding. Before you go on the offensive or get revenge, take inventory: Does this person love you? Do they want what's best for you? Could whatever happened be from something going on in their life? Is there another way to look at it? If you assume others don't intend to hurt you, it’s a head start toward resolving misunderstandings before the relationship is damaged.
- Love isn't enough. This is how to go from being a girl in love with a guy she hopes will change, to a middle-age woman in a multi-year relationship with an unfaithful guy who treats her like a maid, and says he's "not ready" to have children. He will never wake up, realize who is responsible for his happily turning universe, beg for forgiveness for taking so long to recognize it, and then, voila! whip out a ring and propose.
If he doesn't have to fight to win your love, he won't.
- Raise your standards. If your only standard for when to have sex is “when you feel something for each other,” all he has to do is convince you he feels something! For pity sake, he might be lying, you know? He could be mistaken. What if it’s just hormones? If you don’t have sex with him and he still wants to see you, then he must be interested in more than sex, right?
By the same token, if you don’t put out and his interest suddenly evaporates, then it really was all about sex, wasn’t it? C’mon, raise your standards!
- DO NOT INITIATE. There are benefits to NOT making the first move. When a guy initiates, you immediately know he’s interested! In fact, he probably practiced what he was going to say a few times before he asked you out. He cares about making a good impression. He wants to stand out from every other guy, and he assumes there are other guys who are also looking to catch your eye.
Unfortunately, girls mistakenly believe, “If I initiate and he has a good time, he’ll follow my lead and then HE’LL make the next move.”
NOT! Why should he? All he has to do is wait you out. If he’s mildly interested, he knows you’ll call again, on some pretext or other. If he’s not interested, he just won’t answer your calls.
Duh. If he was really interested, he would have made the FIRST move.
That’s the advice I would like to give to teenage girls.
