I have heard a number of insulting things directed at the Vice Presidential nominee, Sarah Palin, that shocked me. She's been characterized as stupid, backward and irresponsible with regard to her family.
I'll be honest with you, Sarah Palin reminds in many ways of my sister-in-law. She's is an accomplished jumping horsewoman, landlord and high school teacher. While she has no children, her care for other people's children is demonstrably evident. She is passionate about the environment, and co-incidentally hunts and fishes with her husband. I admire her a great deal.
If anyone were to say the things about my sister-in-law that they've said about Gov. Palin, I would have a strong desire to hurt them. But no one would dare to say those things about my sister-in-law. (You should see her husband the football coach, not to mention my husband --- her brother --- affectionately nicknamed "Bear.)
I've been puzzling and puzzling over the venom directed at Sarah, and I'm starting to think it's because of her kids. Follow me here. Back in the day, when the whole Women's Liberation Movement was about getting the legal right to an abortion, the argument was that women were being kept out of positions of power because they didn't have control over their "reproductive rights."
Meaning, "How can you complete college or expect to get promoted if you had to stop to have a baby?"
When I worked at a pregnancy center, offering information about pregnancy options, it was a common argument, "I can't have a baby! I won't be able to finish school!"
Women who might take off work because of a sick child, or to attend some primary school function, were less desirable employees, we were told. The research on single moms shows many, if not most, will spend some portion of their lives below the poverty level. Then there's the statistic that 90% of babies diagnosed with Down's Syndrome are aborted.
I personally know a lot of women who chose abortion based on these arguments. And it is the argument I used myself when I aborted.
According the US News and World Report (Jan. 19, 1998), 43% of American women will have an abortion in their life time. About a million women every year, for the last 40 years. That's a lot of women. Justifying a lot of abortion decisions.
Here comes Sarah Palin, with husband and her five kids, including one with Down's. She finished her degree, ran a business, ran a city and ran a state. She did what everyone told us (back in the day) we wouldn't be able to do unless we aborted.
You'd think her ability to balance it all: education, career, marriage, family, social change, politics --- would make her the ICON of what we fought so hard for, back in the day. But instead she is a sad reminder of "dreams that could have been." The regrets of which many single, childless feminists are lamenting.
Focusing on finishing an advanced degree and establishing career success before starting a family, for many women in my generation meant by the time you were ready to have a family, you had passed your best reproductive years, or your pool of marriageable partners had shrunk considerably.
Sarah Palin makes all of us who didn't have her courage and stamina look at our own decision and ask, "what if...?"
The first time you you are confronted with those uncomfortable thoughts, it makes you mad. Really mad. And scared. And ashamed. Your perspective about the kind of person you think you are changes dramatically. You relive all the emotions and recriminations you experienced when you made your "choice." They flood your mind like the waters from the Dec. 26, 2004 Indonesian tsunami, leaving a piles of litter and debris everywhere.
I think that's why some people hate her. Its easier to hate her than hate yourself.
Wednesday, September 17, 2008
Wednesday, September 3, 2008
A Teen Pregnancy To Talk About
So, the new Vice Presidential pick has a pregnant 17 year old daughter. Gov. Palin has been a strong supporter of abstinence education. I have already heard, as I'm sure you will, that this is PROOF that "abstinence doesn't work."
First, let me point out, abstinence ALWAYS works. Obviously this child was NOT abstinent.
Here's the thing, while Governor Palin supports abstinence-until-marriage as the healthiest behavior, Alaska is a "comprehensive sex education" state. They have not been receiving federal funding for abstinence education.
That means, Bristol Palin was not "deprived" of information about contraception. In this day and age, even in Alaska, it is surely impossible to avoid the discovery that:
No one except these teenage parents know if they used protection that failed, or if they were inconsistent in their use of it. What we do know is these two teenagers made an adult decision to have sex, it produced an adult consequence (parenthood) and they have made an adult decision to sacrifice their own self-interest (staying children themselves as long as possible). They are probably not prepared for both marriage and parenthood, but they have decided they had better get ready. The circumstances of conception are not the baby's fault, so its up to the mom and dad to shoulder the responsibility for the nurturance of that life.
As far as which sex education works (I think as an abstinence educator for 10 years I'm more qualified than most to answer this)... it depends on your goal. If the goal is to REDUCE pregnancy and the spread of disease, then we need to give lots of information about how much you can minimize risk and accept there will still be human error and product failure which results in some affected percentage of teens.
If, however, the goal is to ensure a teen's greatest chance for physical, emotional and relational well-being, then the focus must be 0n providing the character tools one needs to be successful at sexual self-control. The ability to manage sexual passion is the gateway for achievement: relationally, professionally and educationally.
Few challenges in life equal the difficulty of controlling passion. Temptation is a constant nagging drive, whipped to a frenzy at times by youth culture. But, by learning to control it, a person acquires skills which sets the stage to accomplish other goals.
Choosing not to give in to temptation, consciously putting the health, future and safety of other people ahead of a selfish impulse... these choices demonstrate great character qualities in a way that using condoms & contraception do NOT. One is the choice to eliminate any risk to their partner. The other, since "safe sex" is not 100% effective, demonstrates at least some willingness to put their partner (and their potential product of conception) at risk.
It's not enough to say "don't have sex." It's also not enough to educate and/or distribute condoms and contraception. It is essential that young people of this generation be taught "its not nice to use others" too.
I say again, abstinence ALWAYS works. But without teaching the code of honor behind it, without demonstrating there is greater love in sacrifice, without linking sexual self-control to the effect it will have on the range of choices for the future --- its as ineffective as "don't have sex, here's a condom."
(For further insight on the most obvious reason "safe sex" fails, read my post, "Teens Pact to Get Pregnant" http://www.blogger.com/posts.g?blogID=8475109099933460680)
First, let me point out, abstinence ALWAYS works. Obviously this child was NOT abstinent.
Here's the thing, while Governor Palin supports abstinence-until-marriage as the healthiest behavior, Alaska is a "comprehensive sex education" state. They have not been receiving federal funding for abstinence education.
That means, Bristol Palin was not "deprived" of information about contraception. In this day and age, even in Alaska, it is surely impossible to avoid the discovery that:
- Sex makes babies
- There are pills, shots, creams, foams and condoms which can prevent pregnancy
- You can get at least some of them in any drug store, and all of them at the local Planned Parenthood clinic
No one except these teenage parents know if they used protection that failed, or if they were inconsistent in their use of it. What we do know is these two teenagers made an adult decision to have sex, it produced an adult consequence (parenthood) and they have made an adult decision to sacrifice their own self-interest (staying children themselves as long as possible). They are probably not prepared for both marriage and parenthood, but they have decided they had better get ready. The circumstances of conception are not the baby's fault, so its up to the mom and dad to shoulder the responsibility for the nurturance of that life.
As far as which sex education works (I think as an abstinence educator for 10 years I'm more qualified than most to answer this)... it depends on your goal. If the goal is to REDUCE pregnancy and the spread of disease, then we need to give lots of information about how much you can minimize risk and accept there will still be human error and product failure which results in some affected percentage of teens.
If, however, the goal is to ensure a teen's greatest chance for physical, emotional and relational well-being, then the focus must be 0n providing the character tools one needs to be successful at sexual self-control. The ability to manage sexual passion is the gateway for achievement: relationally, professionally and educationally.
Few challenges in life equal the difficulty of controlling passion. Temptation is a constant nagging drive, whipped to a frenzy at times by youth culture. But, by learning to control it, a person acquires skills which sets the stage to accomplish other goals.
Choosing not to give in to temptation, consciously putting the health, future and safety of other people ahead of a selfish impulse... these choices demonstrate great character qualities in a way that using condoms & contraception do NOT. One is the choice to eliminate any risk to their partner. The other, since "safe sex" is not 100% effective, demonstrates at least some willingness to put their partner (and their potential product of conception) at risk.
It's not enough to say "don't have sex." It's also not enough to educate and/or distribute condoms and contraception. It is essential that young people of this generation be taught "its not nice to use others" too.
I say again, abstinence ALWAYS works. But without teaching the code of honor behind it, without demonstrating there is greater love in sacrifice, without linking sexual self-control to the effect it will have on the range of choices for the future --- its as ineffective as "don't have sex, here's a condom."
(For further insight on the most obvious reason "safe sex" fails, read my post, "Teens Pact to Get Pregnant" http://www.blogger.com/posts.g?blogID=8475109099933460680)
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